We’ve all been there. Late at night, trying out a new anime when suddenly, your eyes are met with the adorable face of the series’ best waifu. Everything from their looks to their personality is absolutely too damn cute and likable. But then comes the big reveal: It’s a guy. Now of course, only one thing could possibly come to mind at a time like this. Fucking jackpot. Obviously, being the person of true culture that you are, you couldn’t possibly resist the alluring beauty of a good trap waifu. If you’re not a person of true culture, soon you will be. None can resist. Look now upon the magnificence of the trap, as below lie the 8 best traps I can bestow upon you!
8: Hime Arikawa (Himegoto)
Hime’s an interesting case. His whole deal is being under the control of his fellow student council members, leading him into some curious situations (including, but not limited to cosplay photo shoots, cheerleading, and countless situations leading to an upskirt). Needless to say, the guy is easily manipulated, almost to the point of being a complete pushover. Not to mention that he doesn’t offer much in the way of looks, but he compensates. So if you’re into someone with little confidence and a good bit of dicc, then Hime is the way to go. However, I am not and this is my list, so he gets #8.
7: Rimuru Tempest (That Time I Got Reincarnated As a Slime)
Now before I get someone screeching in the comments, yes I know he is technically genderless after becoming a slime. To which I say, I don’t care. I’m throwing him in anyway. This adorable ball of slime comes in all shapes and sizes, mainly due to his ability to shapeshift into anything he consumes (making the potential a hell of a lot better, if you catch my drift). However, he primarily stays in this human form with his feminine frame, bright eyes, and smile that just makes you want to squish. His bright personality and shining charisma combined with his cute and squishy, yet thin body makes him an ideal candidate for all your trap escapades. But I do take into account that he is in fact not a true trap by nature, so he comes in at 7th.
6: Mare Bello Fiore (Overlord)
Mare Bello Fiore is one of the NPCs and floor guardians of the Great Tomb of Nazarick alongside his reverse trap twin sister, Aura (Two traps for the price of one!). His primarily white outfit really accents his dark elf skin, really bringing out those FINE-ass thighs. But don’t let that distract you from his eyes. If you’re into heterochromia (apparently it’s a fetish for some people), this is your guy. As far as his personality goes, he’s cute, shy, and pretty much holds up like a wet napkin when faced with opposition from his peers, especially his sister. Don’t let that fool you, though, because if his master Ainz Ooal Gown tells him to, he will fuck your shit right up with his magical ability. That being said, he still gives off an aura that makes your conscience scream must protecc. All in all, though, he’s pretty cute, but there a few better ones to come.
5: Ruka Urushibara (Steins;Gate)
Ruka is honestly just adorable. Acting as a shrine maiden for the Yanabayashi shrine, it’s not uncommon for him to be in Miko robes (and I know how some of you people like your Miko robes). As it stands, Ruka is the peak casual trap. He doesn’t go out of his way to dress excessively cute or feminine but holy Hell he doesn’t need to with a body about as thin and frail as a princess with muscular atrophy. As for his personality, he’s a good friend to those who know him while also having crippling self confidence issues that will hit you hard. If you’re looking for someone that you just want to hug and assure that he is good enough, this is the prime choice. I’m man enough to admit that I shed a tear for him.
4: Hideri Kanzaki (Blend-S)
Alright. Now that we’re in the final four, it’s time to break out the REAL cute shit. Kicking this off, Hideri’s just a farm boy who does what any farm boy does when they don’t want to tend to crops and animals for the rest of his days: he gets a job at a character cafe and aspires to become an idol. While working, he sports a mint green uniform and acts as the cafe’s idol character. With an affinity for cute clothing, he’s always looking flashy even when not in uniform. Normally, he acts as a cute girl obsessed with popularity would, but Hideri still has a bit of a masculine side. This gives him the advantage of being both a trap waifu and one of the bros. And as we all know, bros before hoes.
3: Saika Totsuka (Oregairu)
Saika is as pure as they come. Eyes of silver and a heart of gold make this adorable motherfucker my pick for number three. When it comes to giving enough wholesome moments to want to marry someone on the spot, Saika does it best. His feminine, fit, tennis-playing body and heartwarming personality will make you melt into a puddle of sexual questionability. He just gives off a radiance that makes you feel like he would be the housewife you never knew you needed. Just imagine coming home to the smell of a fresh dinner as he greets you with a warm smile. The kids that you two somehow produced (even if you’re a woman, we all know he’d be the mother) run up and give you a hug. All is well. Now stop imagining and resent the fact that you live in reality.
2: Astolfo (Fate/Apocrypha)
Now what kind of trap list would this be if I didn’t mention Astolfo? This iconic pink-haired twink is as cute as a puppy, fierce as a lion, and mentally sound as a scrambled egg. Everything this boy does is on a whim and it just makes him all the more likable. He’s senseless, curious, and completely unpredictable. However, he’s also a fairly powerful warrior and can become quite fixated on goal or person once his sights are set. As for his appearance, he knows how to dress. Even when in combat, he’s looking cute as fuck, wearing a black outfit and white armor with gold trim, but most importantly of all, godDAMN look at those thighs. But that’s beside the point. We all know his defining feature is the lip fang (I wonder what would happen if you pull on it). Overall, Astolfo knows what’s up, but one more stands above him.
1: Felix Argyle (Re:Zero)
You had to have seen this coming. I go by “Felix is Best Girl” for Christ’s sake. There was no other possible candidate. Felix Argyle. This catboy is PEAK trap waifu. From his frilly blue dress to his fluffy cat ears, he is the embodiment of sheer cuteness. Fuck outta here with Rem and Emilia. Felix is the way to go. My boy’s quick-witted, playful, and loyal to a fault. Hell, the entire reason he dresses and acts like that is to fulfill a promise he made as a child to his lifelong friend Crusch. He’s also one hell of a healer, but even that’s unnecessary to fill that cat-trap shaped hole in your heart that you’re just now finding out was there. So you can try as much as you want, but you won’t find a better trap waifu than this. Seriously. Just look at him and tell me you don’t want to fucking rail his as- I mean pet and adore him like the good kitty he is.
So that’s that. Surely after opening your eyes to the Truth of Trap, your mind must be racing. Is the relationship you’re in right now is really worth skipping out on such a magnificent specimen as a trap? I can’t say for certain (Yes I can. Traps are much better), but I will leave my straight male readers that may be going through a sexuality crisis at the moment with this fragment of knowledge: It’s not gay to fuck a trap, but it’s very gay for a trap to fuck you.