In one foul swoop, the king over gaming journalism, the pinnacle of awful writing, cringey rants and the systemic bullshit of Kotaku is finally over. Gamers ™ all over the world have been rejoicing, including myself, that the miserable pile of words and screams of the SJW community that is Kotaku is finally put down. Like an army of munchkins racing around the town “Ding, Dong, the witch is dead! The witch is dead!” as the reason why and how is quite an entertaining story in of itself.
Recently Jason Schreier decided to organize a union so that Kotaku writers get 50,000 dollars a year. Yes I nearly fell out of my chair just typing that. So essentially Gawker, its parent site, has ran out of business for good, so sites such as Deadspin and Kotaku are firing their staff and running themselves to the ground.
But yes, these brilliant writers wanted $50,000 a year for such brilliant articles such as:
-It’s Impossible To Separate Cuphead From The Era That Inspired It
-Maybe We Can’t Handle Smart Enemies In Our Games
-Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’s Persona 5 DLC Includes a Disability Slur
-Straight White Male: The Easiest Difficulty There Is
-Jade Smells Pretty At London Games Fest
-A Different Way To Respond To A Rape Accusations [Update]
-Here’s How To Draw Real ‘Boobies’
-FYI: Butts Are Off-limits in Nintendo Games, But Penises Aren’t
-The one where Jason Schreier confuses enormous breasts as being part of Lolicon and pedophilia
-Why Were There No Women In The Opening Scene of Saving Private Ryan?
-How I Achieved Greatness on a Sonic the Hedgehog-Themed Bed
-Young Women Are Reclaiming The Slur ‘Egirl’
-Pokemon Games Should Be Messier and More Annoying
-Should Killing Female Gamers In Online Games be Considered Rape?
-How Cyberbullying Is Just As Bad As Rape
-Why I’ll Never Be Friends With a Man Named Dick
-How Animal Crossing Triggered a Rape Flash-back
-Bioshock Infinite Is The Best Multiplayer Game I’ve Played In a While
-The Lack Of Women Presenters at the PS4 Event Is Bigger Than Sony
-The Moment I realized My Dildo Was a Rapist
-Is Lego Sexist?
-The Legend of Zelda Is Sexist And Why You Should Care
-Help, I Accidentally Bought Mario Party Instead Of Smash
Yes, these are all real articles. All real articles that I had to look back up and check their authenticity to make sure these were real articles. If you want to know why so many people are celebrating the death of Kotaku, take a look at any one of these articles. The fact that any one of them were allowed to be written and showcased on their site is already a complete fucking joke and deserves to fail. No remorse, no sadness, goodbye and fuck off forever Kotaku. ❤